Following the death of a gorilla in a Cincinnati zoo – shot after a four-year-old entered its enclosure – there has been a large outcry from many wondering why the mother of the boy was not being held responsible for the entire situation. After all, if she’d been doing her job as a mother, there’s no way this would have happened, right?
If you believe that, you either don’t know anything about raising small children, or you’ve been blessed with unnaturally docile kids.
I clearly remember running out to my mailbox for 20 seconds while my 18-month-old was watching Little Einsteins, only to find that he had dashed up and locked the door behind me. No amount of pleading would get him to unlock the door. My keys and cell phone were inside with him.
He was left alone with every light socket, every cleaning agent, every climbable bookcase – everything that we are constantly grabbing from our child’s hands at the last minute – for a full 20 minutes before I was able to get a maintenance man to let me into my apartment. That he was simply sitting on the floor playing with his toys when I reentered the apartment is a small miracle.
I remember how quickly my sons could dash away from me and into a busy street after a suddenly dropped ball, missing incoming cars by mere inches as I wildly grabbed for them and flung them out of the path of death.
I remember these moments and many more so clearly because I, like many mothers, have replayed them over and over in my head, unable to stop the movie of worst case scenarios that could have been from torturing me. Unable to stop berating myself over how close my failures as a mother had come to costing me the most precious beings in my life.
I shared these moments and more on Facebook on Monday night, in the face of the brutal public shaming of the mother of the 4-year-old boy who had managed to find the one child-sized entryway into the gorilla enclosure. I knew I was not alone.
Soon, I had dozens of responses from other parents, sharing their close calls. A mother whose small child had grabbed a stool and climbed out a second-story window. A handful of stories of children who had momentarily disappeared from their parents in malls and grocery stores. Near drownings, poisonings and stabbings. Broken bones, stitches and concussions – all on a loving parent’s watch. The stories poured out of parents, mostly mothers, with a sense of relief – they were finally able to say the thing that we never admit in public.
No amount of good parenting can guarantee our kids’ safety.
It is a terrifying thing to admit, but it’s true. Small children have a death wish. They have an innate sense of curiosity matched with the inability to comprehend danger. Add to that small size, surprisingly quick movement, and a creativity forgotten in adulthood, and you have a recipe for never-ending possible disaster.
For all of human history, it has been a gamble as to whether we could keep our precious offspring alive. So much is completely out of our control. Illness, the elements, war, famine – it’s bad enough when you don’t add in things like jumping off staircases, running into traffic, or trying to make household objects into working parachutes.
The mortality of our children is an unbearable reality, so when the worst does happen, to admit that it could be so random and uncontrollable is unacceptable. We are people, dammit, we are in control. Someone must be to blame otherwise it means that none of us are safe.
And, predictably, we blame mothers. The pressure on mothers to be ever vigilant, never tired, never unhappy, never overwhelmed and never distracted is an impossible and dangerous expectation. The idea that we should be able to “manage” our children, as if they are reasonable adults and not semi-feral animals covered in germs and fueled by destruction, is laughable. But we perpetrate these myths, and whenever the truth becomes unavoidable, we shame the mother instead of looking at the situation honestly.
This shame does nothing more than torture mothers with the knowledge that, according to society, they are bad mothers. It prevents them from asking for help and from having the sort of conversations about the dangerous situations our children find themselves in that could indeed make our children safer.
If you have a child, you know that feeling of panic when in a split second your precious baby had endangered themselves. If you don’t have children, know that you were the source of that same panic to your parents multiple times. Imagine the horror movie likely running through in constant loop of the mind of the mother of that 4 year old boy – of what did happen and the even worse horrors that could have been. And show a little empathy.
Contributing to the information World makes it easier for others to have knowledge about other information's. My ideas and knowledge on the Internet and in Computer Science, has brought me a step closer to having logical understanding of things and i feel knowledge is power and with that anyone can become somebody special. Learning is a step to perfection, i'll try my best to make sure i represent that part of the information everyone seeks...
Cincinnati zoo: every mother knows it could happen to her
Following the death of a gorilla in a Cincinnati zoo – shot after a four-year-old entered its enclosure – there has been a large outcry from many wondering why the mother of the boy was not being held responsible for the entire situation. After all, if she’d been doing her job as a mother, there’s no way this would have happened, right?
If you believe that, you either don’t know anything about raising small children, or you’ve been blessed with unnaturally docile kids.
I clearly remember running out to my mailbox for 20 seconds while my 18-month-old was watching Little Einsteins, only to find that he had dashed up and locked the door behind me. No amount of pleading would get him to unlock the door. My keys and cell phone were inside with him.
He was left alone with every light socket, every cleaning agent, every climbable bookcase – everything that we are constantly grabbing from our child’s hands at the last minute – for a full 20 minutes before I was able to get a maintenance man to let me into my apartment. That he was simply sitting on the floor playing with his toys when I reentered the apartment is a small miracle.
I remember how quickly my sons could dash away from me and into a busy street after a suddenly dropped ball, missing incoming cars by mere inches as I wildly grabbed for them and flung them out of the path of death.
I remember these moments and many more so clearly because I, like many mothers, have replayed them over and over in my head, unable to stop the movie of worst case scenarios that could have been from torturing me. Unable to stop berating myself over how close my failures as a mother had come to costing me the most precious beings in my life.
I shared these moments and more on Facebook on Monday night, in the face of the brutal public shaming of the mother of the 4-year-old boy who had managed to find the one child-sized entryway into the gorilla enclosure. I knew I was not alone.
Soon, I had dozens of responses from other parents, sharing their close calls. A mother whose small child had grabbed a stool and climbed out a second-story window. A handful of stories of children who had momentarily disappeared from their parents in malls and grocery stores. Near drownings, poisonings and stabbings. Broken bones, stitches and concussions – all on a loving parent’s watch. The stories poured out of parents, mostly mothers, with a sense of relief – they were finally able to say the thing that we never admit in public.
No amount of good parenting can guarantee our kids’ safety.
It is a terrifying thing to admit, but it’s true. Small children have a death wish. They have an innate sense of curiosity matched with the inability to comprehend danger. Add to that small size, surprisingly quick movement, and a creativity forgotten in adulthood, and you have a recipe for never-ending possible disaster.
For all of human history, it has been a gamble as to whether we could keep our precious offspring alive. So much is completely out of our control. Illness, the elements, war, famine – it’s bad enough when you don’t add in things like jumping off staircases, running into traffic, or trying to make household objects into working parachutes.
The mortality of our children is an unbearable reality, so when the worst does happen, to admit that it could be so random and uncontrollable is unacceptable. We are people, dammit, we are in control. Someone must be to blame otherwise it means that none of us are safe.
And, predictably, we blame mothers. The pressure on mothers to be ever vigilant, never tired, never unhappy, never overwhelmed and never distracted is an impossible and dangerous expectation. The idea that we should be able to “manage” our children, as if they are reasonable adults and not semi-feral animals covered in germs and fueled by destruction, is laughable. But we perpetrate these myths, and whenever the truth becomes unavoidable, we shame the mother instead of looking at the situation honestly.
This shame does nothing more than torture mothers with the knowledge that, according to society, they are bad mothers. It prevents them from asking for help and from having the sort of conversations about the dangerous situations our children find themselves in that could indeed make our children safer.
If you have a child, you know that feeling of panic when in a split second your precious baby had endangered themselves. If you don’t have children, know that you were the source of that same panic to your parents multiple times. Imagine the horror movie likely running through in constant loop of the mind of the mother of that 4 year old boy – of what did happen and the even worse horrors that could have been. And show a little empathy.
guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010
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About sarah
Contributing to the information World makes it easier for others to have knowledge about other information's. My ideas and knowledge on the Internet and in Computer Science, has brought me a step closer to having logical understanding of things and i feel knowledge is power and with that anyone can become somebody special. Learning is a step to perfection, i'll try my best to make sure i represent that part of the information everyone seeks...